With his dark, lush, curly hair that flows to his shoulders and eyes that sparkle when talking about his faith and spirituality, Carlos at 40, speaks fast as he recounts the past 25 years of his young life.
“I used to have to go to churches or food banks. That’s a big thing, not to have to stand in line. It helped me mentally,” he says, repeatedly expressing his gratitude for the services he receives as a Project Open Hand client. “I’m not proud to say I have HIV and get free food, but it makes a mother of a difference the love that is behind it.”
Carlos is drug-free. An Oakland resident and native, he has his own apartment and a long-term partner of five years. Carlos has been coming to Project Open Hand for 10 years, shortly after being diagnosed positive with HIV. At the time, he weighed 98 pounds and had been referred from Fairmont Hospital in San Leandro, after taking a test at Eastmont Shopping Mall in East Oakland.
In the 10 years since, Carlos has gained and kept the weight. He now weighs over 120 pounds – with a goal of 135 pounds. He meets with Project Open Hand’s East Bay Registered Dietician, Jenna Miles, on his diet, and his sugar addiction. Carlos used to eat 25 pounds of sugar per month. He is now down to 5 pounds of sugar per month. Project Open Hand has been providing meals with love in the East Bay since 1989. The Nutrition Center, at 1921 San Pablo Avenue in Uptown Oakland provides a place for clients and caregivers to pick up groceries and medically-tailored meals; meet with nutritionists; and check-in. Approximately 90% of all POH clients live below the poverty line, and 40% of clients who receive meals and groceries have HIV.
“Since I’ve been here, it’s helped me, and it’s helped my family because it’s helped me,” said Carlos.
Still, Carlos struggles with depression and anxiety, due in part to a rough life. As a young adult, he attempted suicide several times. He has been homeless. His mother was not an active part of his teenage years, though he has since reconnected with her.
At Castlemont High School, Carlos struggled in his last semester. He lived with his grandmother, and after her passing, he was left under the sole care of his father, an active addict, who could not provide the stability that 17-year-old Carlos needed. Carlos dropped out of high school, became depressed, and turned to drugs to cope.
“I was so lost. This escalated for 15 years,” he said, his crystal blue eyes having a far-off look about them.
At least two people in his life have tried to help – his brother in Reno and his aunt in Washington State. As Carlos spiraled out of control with drugs and partying, he moved to San Francisco, then Reno, and then Seattle, where he came out of the closet.
In Seattle, his untreated depression became an issue again, and soon “the evilness” (as he calls it) of his addiction took over, and no amount of help from his aunt could shake it. “My soul was lost.” In 2002, he overdosed on a cocktail of drugs and alcohol and found himself in the hospital.
Still, Carlos was convinced he was alive for a reason, and that he had a “power” in him to overcome obstacles. In 2005, a lover of his told him about contracting HIV. His friend said he had only been with two others and strongly suggested that Carlos get tested. Carlos had been tested earlier in Seattle, but never got the results.
After his diagnosis, and with help from Project Open Hand, Carlos’ lifestyle changed for the better. His focus became healthy and clean living. His doctors now monitor his T-cell count, and have placed him on medication in the past year and a half. Being on his anti-viral medication now requires good nutrition.
Carlos loves coming to Project Open Hand every week to pick up his groceries and frozen seven pack of meals. Milk and protein are expensive for those on a fixed income. He mentions his love of pork chops and fresh vegetables – greens, cabbage, onions, salad, and tomatoes. He loves roasted veggies and cauliflower.
“In order to eat veggies when they're fresh, you've got to be quick. And it gets expensive,” he ruses. “This place is beautiful, and it’s free. It definitely works.”