Gordon sits in the middle of the Rockridge restaurant at a large table. He is wearing a blue and white checkered shirt, and his forest green fedora sits nearby. He has on striped, knee-length socks. He invites me to join him at the table, and I do. The Oakland sun is warm and bright and shines full on his face. The bistro is alive with activity around us, loud at times, and he leans in to hear me better.
“I like this place. … When I can afford it,” he says.
Gordon, age 67, lives nearby in a rent-controlled apartment “amongst the millionaires in the hills” he says with a laugh. Gordon is witty and convivial. “You can ask me anything. I’m an open book.”
Yet despite his pleasant nature, Gordon hides a lot of pain and burden in his life – physical, emotional, and financial – past and present. Gordon manages a dual diagnosis: HIV and diabetes. He is retired and lives on a fixed income, receiving Social Security and Medicare. He lives alone, with his cat, Calypso. He worries about Calypso, an aging 16-year-old cat who may have a brain tumor after a recent seizure.
Gordon has been receiving meals and nutritional counseling from Project Open Hand in Oakland for the past seven years. He is grateful for the frozen weekly supply of meals (the “seven-pack”) he picks up regularly, and the check-ins he receives abound his diabetes and daily diet. Gordon has been diagnosed a diabetic for approximately 25 years – since he left his job in the Bay Area computer industry in 1993. At the time, Gordon had been falling asleep at his desk, and he took a long-term medical disability.
He moved to the Russian River to heal. Two years later, the rains came. The year 1995 was a heavy rainy season (like 2017), and the River flooded. That was how Gordon met Travis: his future husband of 10 years. Travis volunteered on flood relief, and he was also HIV positive.
After the Russian River Flood of 1995, Gordon and Travis moved back to the Bay Area for better employment prospects, and finding himself in need of food, Travis was eventually referred to Project Open Hand through Food For Thought.
In 2005, Travis died from a heart attack, and had been suffering from AIDS. Gordon’s own T-cell count dropped dangerously low to 20. He flirted with “drug vacations,” taking fasts from his anti-viral medications. That was a “stupid thing to do,” he said. He missed Travis, and when Travis died, he inherited Calypso, his cat. Gordon lost his job, and moved to a new place, living on savings.
When Gordon himself needed food for financial reasons, he remembered Project Open Hand, and immediately noticed how the nutritional quality had much improved since 1998. “I was astounded,” he said. Now, he picks up a weekly supply of vegetarian meals, and enjoys eggplant parmigiana, shepherd’s pie, or roasted tofu.
Travis was a chef, and Gordon is not as much of a cook. He is most grateful to Project Open Hand for providing him portion control and balance of vegetables, protein, and starches – most important for his diabetic needs. I am reminded of this twice during our lunch, when he leaves to take his insulin shot.
Gordon is originally from Kansas City and moved to California in 1978 to work in the computer industry as an IT specialist. He loves computers, and continues to techno tutor his neighbors through his company, “Mr. Techno-Wiz.” He enjoys Southwestern jewelry and pottery and used to have a kiln.
“Don’t try and second guess the future,” he said. “I planned to die. I got really close. But here I am, I’m still here. A lot of guys from back then did the same things I did, and they are not here. I don’t know why, but I’m still here.”