It was sometime in 1955, in the quaint little railroad town of Waverly, New York, when a ten-year-old Tom Nolan heard a passenger train whistle blowing by – signaling an inner-hunch that he was destined for far off places.
“I remember peeking through the dining car windows passing by each night, thinking, ‘I wonder where they’re going? Well, I wanna go somewhere, too,” recalls the now 71-year-old Nolan with his soft-spoken-meets-stoic presence. “I didn’t care where. I just wanted to go.”
And off he went – packing his ambition within the values of justice, fairness and kindness instilled by his railroad mechanic father and schoolteacher mother.
There were many memorable stops in the stations of Tom Nolan’s life – including a foundation of fighting for civil rights, political activism, sit-ins, anti-war protests and even exploration of theology as a graduate student at Duke University. This was followed by the start of a budding political career as chairman of the Democratic Committee in Virginia.
On Halloween of 1976, shortly after his three-year marriage fell apart, Nolan visited San Francisco. That’s where an aging drag queen-bartender serving up drinks at the now long-gone Oil Can Harry’s bar on the corner of Larkin and Ellis took the not-yet-entirely-out-of-the-closet Tom Nolan by the hand. With cigarette ash dripping from a gray-whiskered five-o-clock-shadow, the unnamed queen said to Tom, “Honey, don’t ever accept anything less than what you truly want.”
That’s when Tom Nolan knew he had reached his final destination.
“I was gay. I was in San Francisco. I was home.”
Tom spent the following several years dedicating himself to public service. He was one the first openly gay elected officials in the country, and first gay president on a board of supervisors in California (San Mateo County), advocating tirelessly for issues ranging from transportation to the environment to gay rights.
In 1994, he received an invitation to interview for the position of executive director of Project Open Hand. There were among 80+ plus candidates competing for the position, but Nolan’s reputation as a gay pioneer and proven track record for social and legislative change stood out.
Tom featured in quarterly newsletter, MealTimes, 1994
“Tom Nolan has a demonstrated commitment to AIDS, and a unique talent for bringing people of diverse backgrounds together,” said then Chair-Elect of the Project Open Hand Board Dr. Molly Cooke, when the news was announced. “Tom is just the ticket for the next phase of our service to the Bay Area.”
During his tenure as executive director of Project Open Hand, Tom Nolan expanded services beyond HIV to help those battling critical illnesses such as breast cancer and diabetes; orchestrated the launch of our senior meals program and led the way in a successful campaign to purchase the Project Open Hand building at 730 Polk Street.
“Project Open Hand saved me,” recalls Nolan, who in his 40s at the time, knew more about death than most folks did in their 70s. He had seen San Francisco change from a party town to ground zero of the AIDs epidemic.
“At one point it looked to me like everybody I knew was going to die. I can’t tell you how many funerals I had been to or spoken at. I would adjourn meetings at the board of supervisors in memory of someone who had died.”
Using his experience working on environmental impact reports, Nolan incorporated a management style into his role at Project Open Hand, weighing pros and cons and contrasting logic versus emotion.
Although controversial at the time, broadening the mission of Project Open Hand proved to be a milestone moment for the agency.
“Some thought we were abandoning the gay community,” says Nolan, who used to regularly deliver meals to clients. “Far from it. Medications change. Policies change. But keeping faithful to Ruth’s vision of meals with love is at the strength and heart of it.”
Balancing key decision with heart and mind continues to resonate at 730 Polk Street.
Tom with Project Open Hand founder Ruth Brinker, in 1997
“Tom is the most amazingly compassionate person I’ve ever known,” said Project Open Hand Distribution manager Scott Yowell who worked with Nolan for 5 years. Yowell presented the “Tom Nolan Volunteer Service Award,” at a special tribute in the Project Open Hand kitchen attended by nearly a hundred friends and supporters of Tom and Project Open Hand. The award named in Tom’s honor will be presented each April to those who have dedicated one year or more of service in helping serve meals with love. Friends, including Former Senator Mark Leno and representatives from State Board of Equalization Chairwoman Fiona Ma’s office praised Tom for his compassion, kindness and visionary leadership.
“Tom taught me that it is easier to lead with the heart than your head,” continued Scott Yowell. “He taught me that confusion is a construct of the mind. Certainty through compassion comes from the soul.”
Tom with Project Open Hand Distribution manager Scott Yowell